That's a lovebite

A stamp of passion for some, while an embarrassing display of bedroom aggression for others, a scratched bruise often called a lovebite or a hicky is one aspect of lovemaking that is usually greeted with raised eyebrows!

Take Kareena Kapoor, who hogged the limelight for a mark on her back that apparently looked like a lovebite from Saif. And ultimately poor Bebo had to clear the air by stating that nobody gets a lovebite on their back. Well, no clue how many of her fans believed that explanation.

Like Bebo, many women prefer keeping the marks of passion under wraps, while there are others who get a high in putting them on display. Says Prachi Gupta, a Delhi-based research analyst, "I suppose deep down, every person wants to show off how satisfying his/her sex life is. And flaunting a lovebite is a straightforward way to tell the world about the passion a couple shares, which makes a girl feel more confident in her circle of friends."

Be it putting your active and passionate love life on display or just going with the trend of being a bold love-maker who doesn't mind giving a peep-show to those around – does it calls for such aggressive love making? Answers Mahinder Watsa, a sex expert, "Till both partners agree to be a part of sexual experimentation, it is normal. Some people are aggressive lovers, who don't mind biting and scratching their partners. But, if it hurts the other and leaves visible wounds – it calls for attention and warning as the aggression can leave the other partner jittery or rather disinterested in the act."

Sudipto Banerjee, a Mumbai-based advertising professional has a different take, "I think a lovebite is somewhere between sexual passion and sexual aggression – I call it possession. When I leave my girl with a prominent mark, I feel I have stamped her with my love. I take it as the display of my affection."

However, it's not necessary; your partner is as cool with the idea of getting a stamp of your love, which even hurts in some unfortunate cases. Deepika Mahajan, a Delhi-based-teacher who recently got married, didn't have a happy love experience with her husband. Says she, "My husband was in a habit of biting whenever passion rode high. Initially, I couldn't tell him as I thought he wouldn't like it but soon it became unbearable and I started having an aversion to lovemaking."

What should one do in such a situation? Answers Watsa, "It's possible that a partner gets too harsh at times in the height of excitement, but if this is regular, the other partner must raise their voice. Begin by politely explaining to your partner that his form of love is hurting you. Some people get enjoyment out of hurting their partner while lovemaking, which is a kind of disorder. So, if you see such tendencies in your partner, don't hesitate from getting psychological help before it gets too late."

If you make a couple who doesn't mind going with the flow and enjoy some aggression mixed with love, but at the same time are in no mood to get embarrassed by displaying those passionate marks, we have some quick tips to heal a love bite...

Dr. Anindita Vohra explains, "A love bite is an amassed patch of blood vessels that break open due to excessive sucking or nibbling on a region, which is usually temporary and subsides in some days. But still one can do some immediate treatments."

1. Apply ice: Wrap a few ice-cubes in a towel and apply it around the lovebite. This will prevent swelling in the area. Rubbing ice directly over the area can turn it into frostbite and darken the colour so avoid doing that.

2. Spoon effect: This calls for some preparation before lovemaking. Keep a spoon inside the freezer before you get into the act. And in case you get bitten, rub the chilled spoon on the effected area in circular motion. Repeat it again after a couple of hours. The process will help break the small blood clots under your skin and aid the healing process.

3. 'Wet' rid of marks: Once the wound/swelling/bruise is heeled, the next step is to get rid of the marks. For this, take some warm water. Dip a piece of cloth in it and press the cloth on the lovebite for a few minutes. This will open up the blood vessels facilitating flow of more blood in the area by lessening the redness. Make sure your lovebite has healed before you do this. source

Sex-guide according to your age

Our sexual behaviour varies at different times in our lives. Sex guru Tracey Cox in her bestselling book, 'Sextasy' reveals the sexual urges and traits of lovers according to their age...

20-something
Most guys just can't stop dreaming about sex every couple of hours. At this age, girls are usually rebellious in their sexual imaginations. They share same-sex fantasies or want to try out bi-sexuality. A 2006 study of nearly 2000 people discovered that 76 per cent of women who slept with women reached orgasm (for women with men, the figure stands at 50 per cent).
The 20s are the time when young boys and girls are most experimental in their sexual positions. One in 10 people claims Tracey Cox have had a threesome in their early twenties.

Also, people in this age group have most likely visited a strip joint or a lapdancing club - with their friends or their better half.

30 something
The 30s are a time to experiment, almost all 30-somethings claim to have had sex outdoors. Unlike the teens when making out was the most common form of sexual experimentation, most 30 somethings prefer having sex somewhere semi-public like the beach, in the garden or on a park bench in the darkness. There's something wildly erotic about these sexapades! Also, high on the 30 something popularity chart are having sex in the shower or in the bath tub.

Kinky pleasures also rate high as most 30 plus couples claim to be giving in to their fantasies of bondage, blindfolds and spanking on a weekend of debauchery.
This is also the time when women are most likely to befriend gay male pals. Straight women love gay men; gay men love straight women. Swedish research is confirming just why the two groups get along so famously - they both have symmetrical brains. Straight men and lesbians have asymmetrical brain hemispheres.

The 30s also mark the arrival of children in a married couple's life, so the sex drive naturally dwindles. But, Cox points out that during pregnancy, couples have sex four to five times a month. Most put the brakes on their sex lives for about seven weeks after delivery, but four months later are back to four or five times of sex a month. Cox says six months after delivery, the average couple goes back to having sex three to five times a month. But incase you don't fit the bill, remember getting disheartened ain't gonna help. Remember it's just a temporary period, so continue touching and cuddling and if your baby robs you of chances to have sex, indulge in quickies.

Most women says Cox in her book experience higher orgasm rates. Ninety per cent of women past 30 regularly experience orgasm, compared to just 23 per cent of younger women.

40 something
Men in their 40s are more likely to experience erection problems. Also, this is the age when maximum number of men tend to be unfaithful. Also, men are more compelled in their 40s to watch more porn or indulge in sex chats. Women on the other hand get sexually very demanding, often being attracted to younger men.

If you thought the 40s were about low libido, think again, while 40-somethings maybe having less sex than ever, the thrust has shifted from how many times in a week to an emphasis on better quality. You are more sure of your sexual needs in this age group and thus more likely to insist on passion play as opposed to a mere making out session. source

Major sex moments

The 'firsts' are always important moreso if you are in a relationship that means a lot to you.

The love firsts and milestones you share with your man are significant bonding moments between the two of you - especially when you add sex to the mix. We talked to a couple of people in a serious relationship, and asked them how sizzling was the sex they had either for the first time or after reaching a significant milestone in their relationship.

Read through other couples' monumental moments, then grab your guy and relive your own. Go for it, you can't get anything but lucky!

How was the sex after you said "I love you" for the first time?
"Incredible! My husband and I were school sweethearts, so he was my first and my one-and-only. Saying 'I love you' was a very big deal, and it led to the first time we had sex. It was exciting, adventurous, and scary all at the same time! It's incredible to think that it was the beginning of the making of our love story."
- Ruchika, 36, Mumbai

"After my guy and I exchanged those magical three words, the sex was like a giant explosion of waves."

- Neera, 33, Delhi

After your wedding?
"Interrupted. My husband and I had spent our wedding dancing and talking to guests, so we hadn't eaten a thing. When we got back to our hotel room, we ordered cheeseburgers, then forgot about them and started to get busy. Mid-act, we heard a knock on the door. We put the sex on hold while we chowed down. It wasn't very sexy, but our stomachs thanked us!"
- Anjali, 26, Hyderabad

"My husband and I made love as though we had been two animals in heat, caged beside each other for days. There was a feeling of freedom and a need to get inside each other. We stopped for the night in a hotel on our way to Gurgaon, but ended up staying several nights because we couldn't leave the room!"
- Babita, 44, Gurgaon

After you moved into your first home?
"Simply amazing. I think we christened every room of the house!"
- Leela, 44, Delhi

My husband and I had so longed for a house of our own, that when we finally had it, we couldn't believe it. After the pooja of the house was over, and all the guests had left, we ripped the clothes of each other and headed straight to the bedroom. Needless to say, the sex was awesome. We didn't even spare the balcony! The terrace is next!
- Radha, 32, Kolkata source

Types of men women hate

here might be ample qualities that make men irresistible. But women being the fairer sex have created certain stereotypes in men that they would never want to be seen with.

We list the most common kinds of men that women love to hate...

Thumbs down to dominant men : Gone are the days when a male dominated society used to be the way of life. So, if the next time you try to show your superiority in front of your girl, it might land you in a tight spot. Women prefer mates who're recognized by their peers for their skills, abilities, and achievements – and not those who use coercive tactics to subordinate their rivals, reveals a new study.

Expert says : Dr. Chirta Bakshi, a relationship counsellor says, "Dominant behaviour is highly opposed by a female partner as she wants to enjoy the bond with equal respect. In any relationship, if one partner tries to have the upper hand in taking all decisions and if they portray their dominant self, it will not do any good to that relationship."

Macho guys aren't always lucky : A macho guy with an angry young man personality might look good on silver screen, but when it comes to real life, women aren't game to hang around with macho dudes. A recent study claims that macho guys don't always get the girls. The study further revealed that the most aggressive guys ended up with fewer wives and children.

Expert says : Personality development expert Varun Chhabra says, "Women today are more keen to pick a guy who flaunts a good body combined with a metro sexual image rather than the typical rough and tough hunk. Men who look tough from the outside and bear a soft heart within are women's favourite."

Keep sex starved men at bay : Men are usually sexually more charged up. But when it comes to choosing a mate, women don't opt for a sexually ravenous partner. This is maybe because for such men, sex is the top priority in the relationship whereas the woman continuously seeks love and romance, sans physical intimacy.

Expert says : Relationship and sex counsellor Dr. Geetu Bhardwaj shares, "It's not that women are not keen to have sex with their partner, but a man's sexual inclination does plan an important role when it comes to choosing their partner. Women generally aren't too comfortable with the idea of being with a man who has sex on his mind throughout the day. In such relationships, things like understanding and love are secondary and sexual intimacy is all that matters for the male partner."

Chauvinism is out completely : Remember Bobby Deol's chauvinistic character in Dostana, which was enough to drive his lady nuts. An excess of anything is bad. Women don't find a chauvinistic man a great companion to spend the rest of their lives with.

Expert says : Dr. Ratan Kumar, a clinical psychologist asserts, "There is a very thin line of demarcation between being a gentleman and chauvinist. A girl might love your care and concern, but your over chauvinistic attitude may irritate her at times. Make an attempt to give enough space to her and let the comfort zone be there as per mutual convenience."

Using slangs won't take you anywhere : Using abusive lingo every time you indulge in a conversation might lend you a cool dude look cool in front of your male peers, but girls don't want to hang around with a abusive man. Being too abusive and stressing on using slangs too often is a 'turn off' for today's women.

Expert says : Psychiatrist Dr. Anupam Randhawa states, "Men need to realise that a woman would like to be associated with a respectful and well-behaved mate. So using excess of slang language and abusive words during conversations can backfire. The reason why women keep such partners at bay is because they find it offensive when their man gets abusive as it comes as a gesture of disrespect to the relationship." source

Endure a sex marathon

Not very often does one get the opportunity to spend extended lovemaking time with their lover, but when such rare occasion does arise one should make it a point to keep it enjoyable as well as enduring.

Enduring a sex marathon can take a few hours or longer if the situation demands it, and many times it could go all night.

Thus, to keep oneself in good form, even the most virile and energetic must rest and rejuvenate, reports Fox News.

Before embarking on your sex marathon, it is better to be well-fed (but not too well) with food that releases energy slowly (such as grains and low GI carbohydrates) and be well hydrated.

And here are some tips on enduring a sex marathon:

Don't orgasm
You can do this by choosing positions that provide less stimulation - because everyone is different, only you will know what these are for you. Change positions if you feel like you're losing the power of your drive and erection or getting too close to orgasm. Bear in mind that having an orgasm isn't the end of the session and you can take a rest before you continue. This is a good time to experiment with positions that you may not have tried with your partner.

Pleasure her to keep the focus off of you
If you do happen to need a rest while enduring a sex marathon or you do orgasm, you can easily shift the focus off of you and onto her. This can include cuddling, fondling, massage, general touching, and kissing. A rest does not have to be totally sexual in nature, and it is just as nice to make love for hours as it is to just touch each other in nice ways - or invent new ways of loving.

Don't drink too much
Alcohol is known to be a relaxant and can be a wonderful addition to the time you share with your lover. In saying that, after two or more drinks, alcohol lowers a man's ability to achieve and maintain erections, and can trigger an inability to orgasm for a long time. Alcohol also has sedative effects - it could cause you to fall asleep easily. Drinking can also encourage unsafe behaviour. Drinking too much alcohol will not help enduring a sex marathon.

Get creative
While enduring a sex marathon, you can introduce sex toys like vibrators, beads or sex paraphernalia such as whips, ropes and blindfolds. Food is also a great diversion and pleasure- ice cream, chocolate sauce or whipped cream are great. Get creative - you can draw out the process for quite some time with some very lusty teasing using these objects.

Keep lube handy
One of the main problems of sex play for hours could be dryness, so keep some good quality lubricant handy, one that tastes nice and is non-greasy. A glass of water nearby is also going to be useful, not only to rehydrate but to moisten your mouth. source